So, my daughter, the addict has been back in rehab due to a relapse. (See previous post) She spent 2 weeks in inpatient, then was moved to partial hospitalization. When she first started, the therapist was singing her praises, that she was doing great in her groups and being a leader, positive attitude and helping others.
Then the last two weeks all she has done is complain about being there. Doesn't think she needs to remain there and wants to go back into a halfway house. Get a call from the therapist yesterday that she is now being disruptive, skipping groups, trying to encourage others to skip group.
An hour later we get a call that she has gone AWOL from the facility. Left with a guy who is also in treatment for drugs. She left the facility at 12 and returned at 5. I'm sure the only reason she returned was to collect her belongings. She told one of the techs that she and this guy had been drinking. They did a breathalyzer on her and she blew a .55. That's pretty high, so I am told. They tried to do an intervention, but she was adamant that she didn't want to stay there.
We've told her as long as she is in treatment and doing well, we would support her and help her out money-wise to a degree. Then we get another call from her case manager yesterday (after she blew the .55 and refused intervention) who says they can't keep her there, too disruptive, and they will be working on her discharge today.
Where will she go? I don't know. Her dad and I had told her that if she completed treatment we'd get her into yet another halfway house. But with this incident yesterday of going out and getting drunk, there's no way we can help her with money. We have no faith in her, no trust. And sad as it seems, we do not want her to come home and live with us. We don't want her addiction around us. At this point that pretty much leaves only a homeless shelter. Do any of you reading this know how hard it is to let your kid go to a homeless shelter? SO HARD TO EVEN CONSIDER. Yet, that is what I am dealing with this morning, and the same thoughts that woke me up 3 times last night.
I'm scared for her and my heart is beyond breaking. I've detached with love, but a mother's worry never stops. I did read an excellent book last week. It's called The Lost Years. A book about a mother and daughter's experience with addition, detachment and recovery. I highly recommend it to anyone who has an addict in the family.
I'm dreading that call today to set up her discharge and telling her that we can no longer help her. I may waver and give in. I don't know what I am going to say and do at this very moment.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
It's been a while
It's been a while. So much has been going on with Queen2B. To sum it up, she completed her treatment in rehab, went on to live in a sober living facility. Sadly, she relapsed three weeks after moving into sober living facility. (SLF) She had a really bad relapse, one week on the street with a fellow user, that she met in rehab, then into a detox for a week, kicked out of there for having drugs on her, back on the street for a week.
At that point, calling and asking for more money. (When she started asking us to send her money Western Union, we had a clue she was using). As hard as it was, I had to tell her not to contact me again until she got back into treatment. Two days went by and she called and agreed to go back into inpatient rehab. I made arrangements for her to get a ride. Ironically, the treatment center sent a limo to pick her up from the crack house she was staying in. I don't know that it was a "crack house", but a hotel where a lot of users rent for cheap.
In July Queenie & I went to visit her in rehab and we did an intensive family therapy weekend. I learned a lot about letting go and to stop trying to help her. I've been doing really well with that, but it is sad at the same time as it is freeing.
I've been so wrapped up with Q2B and her problems, I haven't mentioned that I will be having hand surgery in November. I have some crazy ass disease called Kienbock's. The bone in my right wrist has deteriorated. The surgery is a proximal row carpectomy. Yes there is a video of the surgery on YouTube, and it's nasty looking. Not a good problem for a court reporter to have.
But the surgeon assures me I can go back to work. I guess that's good and bad :) I'm so ready to retire from this job.
The Boy got his driver's license. He's pretty much taken over my car. We plan to give it to him, just putting off getting something new for myself. Now with the surgery, it might be a little longer than anticipated. Not sure what I want. Another Honda? Suggestions? For business purposes, I think I am going to go for a lease this time around.
Thanks for checking in.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The story goes on and on and on
Some of my family members say I am obsessed with my drug addicted daughter, Queen2b. Maybe I am, but I love her, and it is so hard to see one of your children going down a drug-addicted road. I get so annoyed at doctors who readily and willing prescribe Xanax, Klonopin, Adderall, and other drugs that are not always needed. Many doctors see so many patients a day, that they don't really listen to the patients, just bring out the old pen and prescription pad and come back in 30 days for review and refill.
The last time I wrote, Q2B had gone to court on one of her many misdemeanor citations. Things looked good. Then one night she brought one a "friend from rehab". We had specifically told her no friends of hers were allowed in our home. Just coming by for a minute, Mom. This is a girl she had been in outpatient with. (Q2Bnever completed outpatient, supposedly because the counselor was buying pot from a boy in her group that she counseled. This counselor took a very liberal attitude towards pot. Obviously. I tried to report it, but it's my word and Q2B's word, a drug addict, against a paid counselor.)
Mom went to bed and the next thing we know is the family is awakened at 2 a.m. to an all-out cat fight going on in Q2B's bedroom. Both girls had awakened in a drug-induced stupor, accusing the other of stealing Xanax and pot. It was too much. We kicked Q2b out. We changed the locks on our doors and she was forbidden to come inside our home. For a week she claimed to live in her car. Some of her "friends" let me know what was going on with her, and that was she was rapidly declining.
So being a good mom, and even better enabler, I arranged for her an apartment for 2.5 months. Enough time for her to get a job, start over and get back into rehab, whatever she needed to do to get clean. Keeping in mind she has misdemeanor citations over her head and if convicted of three, that's a felony. We used money that belonged to her from a car accident. And no, she didn't get addicted to opiates from an accident. She got addicted from buying them on the street and because she was/is good at manipulating doctors and convincing others that her parents are lunatics.
Got her an apartment on May 15, she moved in. It was a college apartment, so she had 2 unknown roommates, her own bedroom and bath. Two weeks after she moved into that apartment, I became aware that once again, she had gotten another misdemeanor citation. She wasn't holding, but the other two girls were and they had just smoked a blunt. The officer smelled it and searched the car. Because Q2B was with them, the officer cited her too. So she now had a total of 5 misdemeanor citations since December 1, 2010.
She told me about it, how unfair it was. Right. She had been warned to not be around people with pot, drugs because of upcoming court date. No other lecture, just sorry that happened, hopefully you can get it taken care of.
Mr. Huney, The Boy, The Boy's friend and I went on vacation. We were having a great time until the third day in at 9:30 a.m., the partner in crime called me and said, "Where is Q2B, we are in court and she's not here. They just issued her a failure to appear." Q2B's story was she was sick. Right. She had a migraine. Right. She's never had migraines. Now if I had skipped court for whatever reason, I'd be sick too. She went to her pediatrician -- yes, pediatrician, because she can't keep a regular doctor, aka doctor shopping, she got a note, a prescription she couldn't afford, and a shot for muscle tension. That's what she said.
Back to court she goes last week. Her attorney managed to get all but two of the misdemeanors dismissed with the condition of supervised probation for 11 months and 29 days. Drug testing and checking in with probation officer. She wanted to argue about the sentence because she knew, as did the rest of us, she couldn't abide by the ruling for a year and most likely end up in jail.
Fast forward a week after court date and I start hearing that she is panhandling at gas stations and downtown near campus on "The Square". That broke my heart. To hear these things and even see some comments on FB about her behavior -- my daughter -- just broke my fricking heart. I confronted her and could tell by her reaction that part of the rumors were indeed true. She denied them all of course. Mr. Huney & I sat through two hours of her ranting about what terrible parents we were, all of our faults, how we made her the way she is. So much blame and denial. Then she said she was going to commit suicide. We were alarmed, but when she said, "First I want to catch up on Nurse Jackie and eat dinner," our alarm was eased somewhat.
The next day she called, still ranting and blaming and threatening suicide. I suggested she take charge of her own healing process, call a 24 hour hot line or go to the ER. It has been so hard to detach myself from her and her problems. I don't know her anymore. I love her but yet I don't feel love for her when she is high or appears high. I don't know what she is like not high anymore. We told her there was nothing else we could do for her, that it was up to her to get well.
She took action. My little Q2B is getting on a plane today and heading to Florida to attend residential drug rehab. The facility paid for her plane ticket. Florida, one of the largest pain clinic supplier states around. We insisted she sign over her car to us so we could sell it to help her with expenses. She has no concept of the financial obligations she is taking on, the school loans that will come due, court costs. And we refuse to pay for it. Will she get better or succumb? God only knows at this point. I sure don't. I want to have faith in her.
My other daughter, Queenie, thinks this is a waste of time, money and state resources. Thinks Q2B is once again manipulating the system by going out of state. Thinks the only reason Q2B wants to do this is because she has to be responsible to someone and "pee in the cup". I never thought of it from that perspective, but it is very possible. There is a lot of animosity between our daughters. Queenie has always been jealous of Q2B. They are alike, but yet different in so many ways. Queenie is an overachiever, has two degrees, married and for the most part stable. Keeps her business to herself. Q2B is not. The unspoken competition has always been a problem between them.
All of this has made me very tired. Mr. Huney looks haggard, too. The Boy is torn between anger and love for his sister. Yet life goes on.
The last time I wrote, Q2B had gone to court on one of her many misdemeanor citations. Things looked good. Then one night she brought one a "friend from rehab". We had specifically told her no friends of hers were allowed in our home. Just coming by for a minute, Mom. This is a girl she had been in outpatient with. (Q2Bnever completed outpatient, supposedly because the counselor was buying pot from a boy in her group that she counseled. This counselor took a very liberal attitude towards pot. Obviously. I tried to report it, but it's my word and Q2B's word, a drug addict, against a paid counselor.)
Mom went to bed and the next thing we know is the family is awakened at 2 a.m. to an all-out cat fight going on in Q2B's bedroom. Both girls had awakened in a drug-induced stupor, accusing the other of stealing Xanax and pot. It was too much. We kicked Q2b out. We changed the locks on our doors and she was forbidden to come inside our home. For a week she claimed to live in her car. Some of her "friends" let me know what was going on with her, and that was she was rapidly declining.
So being a good mom, and even better enabler, I arranged for her an apartment for 2.5 months. Enough time for her to get a job, start over and get back into rehab, whatever she needed to do to get clean. Keeping in mind she has misdemeanor citations over her head and if convicted of three, that's a felony. We used money that belonged to her from a car accident. And no, she didn't get addicted to opiates from an accident. She got addicted from buying them on the street and because she was/is good at manipulating doctors and convincing others that her parents are lunatics.
Got her an apartment on May 15, she moved in. It was a college apartment, so she had 2 unknown roommates, her own bedroom and bath. Two weeks after she moved into that apartment, I became aware that once again, she had gotten another misdemeanor citation. She wasn't holding, but the other two girls were and they had just smoked a blunt. The officer smelled it and searched the car. Because Q2B was with them, the officer cited her too. So she now had a total of 5 misdemeanor citations since December 1, 2010.
She told me about it, how unfair it was. Right. She had been warned to not be around people with pot, drugs because of upcoming court date. No other lecture, just sorry that happened, hopefully you can get it taken care of.
Mr. Huney, The Boy, The Boy's friend and I went on vacation. We were having a great time until the third day in at 9:30 a.m., the partner in crime called me and said, "Where is Q2B, we are in court and she's not here. They just issued her a failure to appear." Q2B's story was she was sick. Right. She had a migraine. Right. She's never had migraines. Now if I had skipped court for whatever reason, I'd be sick too. She went to her pediatrician -- yes, pediatrician, because she can't keep a regular doctor, aka doctor shopping, she got a note, a prescription she couldn't afford, and a shot for muscle tension. That's what she said.
Back to court she goes last week. Her attorney managed to get all but two of the misdemeanors dismissed with the condition of supervised probation for 11 months and 29 days. Drug testing and checking in with probation officer. She wanted to argue about the sentence because she knew, as did the rest of us, she couldn't abide by the ruling for a year and most likely end up in jail.
Fast forward a week after court date and I start hearing that she is panhandling at gas stations and downtown near campus on "The Square". That broke my heart. To hear these things and even see some comments on FB about her behavior -- my daughter -- just broke my fricking heart. I confronted her and could tell by her reaction that part of the rumors were indeed true. She denied them all of course. Mr. Huney & I sat through two hours of her ranting about what terrible parents we were, all of our faults, how we made her the way she is. So much blame and denial. Then she said she was going to commit suicide. We were alarmed, but when she said, "First I want to catch up on Nurse Jackie and eat dinner," our alarm was eased somewhat.
The next day she called, still ranting and blaming and threatening suicide. I suggested she take charge of her own healing process, call a 24 hour hot line or go to the ER. It has been so hard to detach myself from her and her problems. I don't know her anymore. I love her but yet I don't feel love for her when she is high or appears high. I don't know what she is like not high anymore. We told her there was nothing else we could do for her, that it was up to her to get well.
She took action. My little Q2B is getting on a plane today and heading to Florida to attend residential drug rehab. The facility paid for her plane ticket. Florida, one of the largest pain clinic supplier states around. We insisted she sign over her car to us so we could sell it to help her with expenses. She has no concept of the financial obligations she is taking on, the school loans that will come due, court costs. And we refuse to pay for it. Will she get better or succumb? God only knows at this point. I sure don't. I want to have faith in her.
My other daughter, Queenie, thinks this is a waste of time, money and state resources. Thinks Q2B is once again manipulating the system by going out of state. Thinks the only reason Q2B wants to do this is because she has to be responsible to someone and "pee in the cup". I never thought of it from that perspective, but it is very possible. There is a lot of animosity between our daughters. Queenie has always been jealous of Q2B. They are alike, but yet different in so many ways. Queenie is an overachiever, has two degrees, married and for the most part stable. Keeps her business to herself. Q2B is not. The unspoken competition has always been a problem between them.
All of this has made me very tired. Mr. Huney looks haggard, too. The Boy is torn between anger and love for his sister. Yet life goes on.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Update on the Queen2B and song lyrics
So my daughter goes to court this morning. Alone. For that I was proud. I wanted to go with her, just to protect her, because that's what mothers do. Most mothers do all they can to protect their children. But off she went, before the judge, and managed to discuss with the DA a judicial diversion. Most likely she will get community service, have 3 out of the 4 misdemeanors dismissed, and 11/29 on probation. Whether that will be supervised probation or not, I don't know.
After she got out of court, she called me and seemed relieved. I was relieved for her. Then she sent me a text, asking for money until she could get a job. I told her that I would help her out on one condition. Take a drug test to prove to me that she was clean. I haven't heard back from her.
But I heard this song today on my way home from my deposition. It pretty much sums up how I feel about Queen2B.
There's do'ers and don'ters and I wills and I won'ters
And them, that don't even try
There's givers and takers, movers and shakers
And them that are just passing by
Skidrows and winos and some folks that I know
That don't do like I think they should
I thought they were livin' their lives all wrong
Long, before I understood
We all have to walk our own road
We can't always go where we're told
In the end where it'll end up - the Lord only knows
But we all have to walk our own road
I've had some good times and I've had a good life
And I've had things goin' my way
I've walked the high ground and treasures that I've found
An'women people who brightened my day
Then there were times I was caught in the crosswinds
With life - goin' 'round and around
Like a ship with no sail I was caught in a gale
Til I finally just ran it a-ground
We all have to walk our own road
We can't always go where we're told
In the end where it'll end up - the Lord only knows
But we all have to walk our own road
After she got out of court, she called me and seemed relieved. I was relieved for her. Then she sent me a text, asking for money until she could get a job. I told her that I would help her out on one condition. Take a drug test to prove to me that she was clean. I haven't heard back from her.
But I heard this song today on my way home from my deposition. It pretty much sums up how I feel about Queen2B.
There's do'ers and don'ters and I wills and I won'ters
And them, that don't even try
There's givers and takers, movers and shakers
And them that are just passing by
Skidrows and winos and some folks that I know
That don't do like I think they should
I thought they were livin' their lives all wrong
Long, before I understood
We all have to walk our own road
We can't always go where we're told
In the end where it'll end up - the Lord only knows
But we all have to walk our own road
I've had some good times and I've had a good life
And I've had things goin' my way
I've walked the high ground and treasures that I've found
An'
Then there were times I was caught in the crosswinds
With life - goin' 'round and around
Like a ship with no sail I was caught in a gale
Til I finally just ran it a-ground
We all have to walk our own road
We can't always go where we're told
In the end where it'll end up - the Lord only knows
But we all have to walk our own road
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Update Mothers & Kids
So my post today will be about kids. If that topic has no interest to you, move on now. This is a chance for you to escape!
Last post was about Q2b and it's still going to be about Q2b. Went to court with her, and the judge promptly told her that since she could afford an attorney on her other charges, she could afford to hire him on these new charges. That is not true. He's representing her on the first charges as a favor to me. He told her if she got into anymore trouble, he would not represent her on new charges. So back to court she will go on 4-16 to ask for a public defender.
She has not tried. She did not finish her rehab, never graduated. Stopped going after she had her wisdom teeth out. Insurance is billing us for $2500 for a program she did not complete. Am I pissed? Yes, I am. Am I aggravated with her? Yes, I am. Am I going to pay for the rehab? No, I am not. I had told her that her dad and I would take care of it if she got clean and graduated. She did neither.
I had set her up with an internist to get a complete exam. She goes to the doctor, seems to like her, and then I find out that the doctor has prescribed her Xanax! Personally, I think Xanax is over prescribed and is not the drug some people should be on. Q2b didn't tell me about the Xanax. I just happened to notice that she was acting a little drunk one evening and confronted her about what she was on. Denial, denial. Then I found the Xanax bottle. Script was for 30, and 20 were already gone. This was 2 days after she had them filled.
I called her doctor and passed on information that Q2b is a drug abuser and how many of the Xanax were gone. I'm sure she sold them or traded them for her drug of choice. This all makes me terribly sad.
So as kind and supportive as I could be, I informed her that she had until August to get her act together and to move out. If she is still here in August, I will just call the police and have her removed from our home. Dramatic, huh? A friend of hers got her a job at a suntan place. Good hours, good people, perks, free tanning. After she got the Xanax script filled, I don't know what happened, but within 3 days she no longer had that job. I don't know if she was stealing or what happened, because as you know, drug addicts lie. I can't believe a word she says.
It's hard for me to be around her. I try to be loving, but it's hard. For months I've tried to get her to go see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. She can go through Mr. Honey's EPA program through work. Has she made an appointment? Nope. When I told her yesterday that I was afraid she would have to do jail time, she said, and I quote: "Mom, if I have to flatten it out with 30 days, so be it." Flatten it? That is jail talk for God's sake.
Haven't decided if I will go back to court with her on the 14th or not. Obviously she is going to do what she wants to do and doesn't listen to reason. You cannot help someone who won't help themselves. Yet I love her and in some ways feel sorry for her. Sorry for her because she's done some stupid things and she knows better. My lawyer friend did get word to the judge that her mother wanted her to realize this is a serious situation she is in.
And if it's not one thing, it's your Mother. My mother is 86 years old and fell about 3 weeks ago and broke her hip. She is now in a rehab facility and is meaner than a snake. You see, she too is hooked on her pain pills. At her age! This woman is legally blind, yet lives alone. Family drops by every day to check on her and take her food. The morning that she fell she had taken too many Phenegren. That's for nausea, but she was taking them to help her sleep. On top of Hydrocodone and Tylenol.
I don't live in the same town as my mother, so I try to go down once a month at least to visit with her. I'll be going this weekend to relieve my sisters and give them the weekend off. Mother gets lonely on the weekends.
My life with her is for another day.
Last post was about Q2b and it's still going to be about Q2b. Went to court with her, and the judge promptly told her that since she could afford an attorney on her other charges, she could afford to hire him on these new charges. That is not true. He's representing her on the first charges as a favor to me. He told her if she got into anymore trouble, he would not represent her on new charges. So back to court she will go on 4-16 to ask for a public defender.
She has not tried. She did not finish her rehab, never graduated. Stopped going after she had her wisdom teeth out. Insurance is billing us for $2500 for a program she did not complete. Am I pissed? Yes, I am. Am I aggravated with her? Yes, I am. Am I going to pay for the rehab? No, I am not. I had told her that her dad and I would take care of it if she got clean and graduated. She did neither.
I had set her up with an internist to get a complete exam. She goes to the doctor, seems to like her, and then I find out that the doctor has prescribed her Xanax! Personally, I think Xanax is over prescribed and is not the drug some people should be on. Q2b didn't tell me about the Xanax. I just happened to notice that she was acting a little drunk one evening and confronted her about what she was on. Denial, denial. Then I found the Xanax bottle. Script was for 30, and 20 were already gone. This was 2 days after she had them filled.
I called her doctor and passed on information that Q2b is a drug abuser and how many of the Xanax were gone. I'm sure she sold them or traded them for her drug of choice. This all makes me terribly sad.
So as kind and supportive as I could be, I informed her that she had until August to get her act together and to move out. If she is still here in August, I will just call the police and have her removed from our home. Dramatic, huh? A friend of hers got her a job at a suntan place. Good hours, good people, perks, free tanning. After she got the Xanax script filled, I don't know what happened, but within 3 days she no longer had that job. I don't know if she was stealing or what happened, because as you know, drug addicts lie. I can't believe a word she says.
It's hard for me to be around her. I try to be loving, but it's hard. For months I've tried to get her to go see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. She can go through Mr. Honey's EPA program through work. Has she made an appointment? Nope. When I told her yesterday that I was afraid she would have to do jail time, she said, and I quote: "Mom, if I have to flatten it out with 30 days, so be it." Flatten it? That is jail talk for God's sake.
Haven't decided if I will go back to court with her on the 14th or not. Obviously she is going to do what she wants to do and doesn't listen to reason. You cannot help someone who won't help themselves. Yet I love her and in some ways feel sorry for her. Sorry for her because she's done some stupid things and she knows better. My lawyer friend did get word to the judge that her mother wanted her to realize this is a serious situation she is in.
And if it's not one thing, it's your Mother. My mother is 86 years old and fell about 3 weeks ago and broke her hip. She is now in a rehab facility and is meaner than a snake. You see, she too is hooked on her pain pills. At her age! This woman is legally blind, yet lives alone. Family drops by every day to check on her and take her food. The morning that she fell she had taken too many Phenegren. That's for nausea, but she was taking them to help her sleep. On top of Hydrocodone and Tylenol.
I don't live in the same town as my mother, so I try to go down once a month at least to visit with her. I'll be going this weekend to relieve my sisters and give them the weekend off. Mother gets lonely on the weekends.
My life with her is for another day.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Queen to Be had to have her wisdom teeth taken out. They broke through the skin in two day's time. I was out of town working for an egotistical attorney -- who managed to get on my last nerve. So, Queenie helped us out and took Q2B to the oral surgeon. 4 teeth at once, sedation, and pain pills. Percocet aka Oxydodone. Not Oxycontin, which is her drug of choice. Mr. Honey was home early and he had a good day with the three of them.
I, on the other hand, was glad I was out of town and that Mr. Honey had to deal with all the stuff I normally do. Makes him appreciate me more. In case you missed the solitary tweet, Q2B was cited again two weeks ago for possession of weed and a pipe. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. She was riding dirty on the passenger side. Driver was stopped for no tail light, and cops did a dog search of car. Found small amount of weed and a big ass pipe in her purse. Stupid. Stupid. Driver was not holding. Her attorney warned her that if she got into more trouble, he would not represent her. So back to court on Monday for her and she will ask for a public defender. I can't help her with that. She's well aware that she could be put on supervised probation and serve some jail time if she violates probation. And now, she is legitimately taking pain pills because she is in so much pain.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Deposition Tips for Attorneys
Today I am going to write about tips for attorneys when taking depositions. I have been a court reporter for 29 years, starting out as a typist for reporters. Yes, back when erasers were used and carbon sets and actual typewriters.
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| IBM SELECTRIC |
1. Take business cards with you. Court reporters need your business card and information, along with an email address.
2. Introduce yourself to the court reporter. We may be the silent person in the room, but we do like to know that you know we're there. Ask if the reporter has the style of the case or a notice. Offer up unusual spellings or proper names.
3. Prepare your deposition questions ahead of time. I know it's got to be hard to know which questions you need to ask, and it's not unusual to forget a few questions. It's okay to come in with a list of your questions. Personally, if I see an attorney with 15 pages of questions, I know we are going to be there for a while and that's okay. That attorney is prepared and it pays to be methodical.
4. Ask your questions slowly, directly and loud enough for everyone to hear you, especially the court reporter and the witness. An attorney who spits out questions just encourages the witness to speak fast and butt in. Keep it smooth.
5. If you MUST read from a document, please read slowly. Imagine being in a race where you are moving along at a comfortable pace, keeping up with everyone around you, then all of a sudden those around you are speeding up and leaving you behind. It's hard to get to the finish line when you're left at the gate.
Plus, the witness can't keep up with you if you're reading from a document at a fast rate.
Most likely, the witness will say: What, I don't understand, say that again, or I don't know what you mean. Then opposing counsel wakes up and objects. Time wasted.
6. I, for one, love it when an attorney marks their own exhibits. Some attorney says, Mark this as Exhibit so-and-so, and hands it to the reporter. The reporter stops to mark it, and said attorney just keeps right on asking another question. Hello? I have only two hands. Marking your own exhibits gives you and the witness a second of downtime to think about the exhibit about to be shown.
A-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n. I bet you will notice that the court reporter will smile and appreciate the lull.
7. If you're going to be at the deposition for a while, take a break at least every hour to hour and a half. That will give you time to think about other questions you may want to ask. You can always ask the reporter to read back something to you during a break if you need clarification. And, the reporter is probably in need of a stretch break, too.
That's all of my tips for today. Transcripts await editing!
Ten Day Challenge - Day 10 - Ten Secrets
Ten Secrets
I will have to pass on this one. It's bad enough that my friends know my secrets. I'm surprised they haven't sold me out to National Enquirer.
I also learned in the 9th grade that putting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, that what is written sometimes comes back to bite you in the ass.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Ten day Challenge
I am way behind on the 10 day You Challenge so going to double up on a few.
One Picture
Seriously?
Two Songs
I have so many favorite songs, it's hard to narrow it down. I like all types of music. Grew up in the late '60s and '70s, so my tastes vary. But my current favorites are:
1. I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
2. Trip Around the Sun by Jimmy Buffett. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaKqwvGa6Bw
Actually love anything by JB.
I used to sing A Pirate Looks At 40 as a lullaby to Queen when she was a baby. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNmULx6sMo4
Three Films
1. Beaches. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaches_(film)
2. One True Thing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_True_Thing
3. The Big Chill http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Chill_(film)
Four Books
1. Anything by Ann Rule. 2. Five People You Meet in Heaven. 3. Catcher In the Rye 4. Gone With The Wind
Five Foods
1. Chinese 2. Meatloaf 3. Chocolate covered strawberries 4. Cheese biscuits from Red Lobster 5. Cake with butter cream frosting.
Six Places
where I've been & where I'd like to go
1. Beach - any beach, preferably Folly Beach. 2. Go to Ireland. 3. Home sweet home. 4. Mountains in the fall. 5. Las Vegas. 6. Hawaii
Seven Wants
not necessarily in order
1. Convertible. 2. Win the lottery or jackpot. 3. 10 years back for a do-over. 4. World Peace.
4. Grandchildren. 6. Newer, smaller, more modern home. 7. Retirement.
Eight Fears
1. Growing old. 2. Poverty level in old age. 2. Being sued. 3. Tragic car wreck. 4. Lingering, debilitating illness. 5. Tornadoes. 6. Children dying. 7. Lightening storms. 8. Hell
Catching up
I haven't posted in a while. Tried to do that 10 Day challenge, but only made it for one day. <sigh> But have caught up with that this morning. May be even a day ahead.
So what is new at the Honey house? Queen2b has been attending her outpatient rehab meetings. She comes home renewed and seems to be really enjoying them. So far she has not done any Opioids and it has been about 3 weeks since she last used. I am proud of her. Her temperment, however, is still less than desired. We did talk her into quitting her job as a waitress in a restaurant that serves liquor. Nobody thought at this point it was a good environment for her. So she quit that, but has yet to find another job. What does that mean? That means she is always bumming money from me or Mr. Honey. We refuse to give her cash, but have filled up her gas tank a few times.
Q2b and I have a real butting of the heads sometimes. She calls me a "trigger" for wanting to use. She comes to me and asks me things and I am brutally honest. That is something she doesn't want to hear right now, is hard core, blunt honesty.
The Boy is having a rough time, too. He seems to hate Q2B. Disgusted with her, and is at an age, 15, that he is embarrassed and does not want to have to deal with it. He refuses to let her take him anywhere or pick him up, won't talk to her, ignores her when they are both in the house. I'm setting both of them up with a psychologist on Monday. Momma Honey cannot fix everything and their emotions are out of my control.
My plate is pretty full because it seems everybody wants to dump their leftovers onto my plate. I clean the plate off and turn around and it's full again. This is not how I expected my life to be at this point in my life.
So, on February 7th, I had a birthday. Woot Woot. I turned 56 years old. Yes, I know, to some of you that sounds SOOOOOOOO old. It is old. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I couldn't even imagine being this old. I'm young in mind and spirit but not in numbers. And my body is also starting to feel the age too. Poor me. Youngsters, hear me out: Exercise and keep your body toned. You'll be glad you did when you get as old as me.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Nine Loves
Taking the cue from JudgyAmie, there seems to be no particular order this challenge should go, so I just picked one.
Nine Loves
1. First love was in 6th grade and his name was George. Got my first kiss ON THE MOUTH! Sadly George has passed away and I'm not sure how he died. We went steady and I wore his ID bracelet. Then after a while my girlfriend and I traded boyfriends and she got George for a while and I got Stanley. Was easy enough to exchange ID bracelets.
2. Second love was Ricky. Met him when I was 15 and fell in love. He was an older man, at the ripe old age of 17. My parents wouldn't let me go out with him alone, so they would take us everywhere, movies, dances. He was great to go along and it was worth his wait when I turned 17. If you know what I mean, and I think you do. Ricky and I lasted about 3 years. He cheated on me and I cried and cried.
3. Third love was Gus. He was a bad boy. Married at 19, with a baby and in the middle of a divorce. His "wife" lived with his parents. I didn't care and believed whatever he told me. Looking back, I can't believe I dated him while he was married. So dumb we can all be when we are 19.
4. Next love of my life was Greg. Another older man. I was about 21 and he was 4 years older. He too was divorced, but with no kids. I think I was his divorce rebound girlfriend because he tried to shape me by telling me what to wear, how to act. We had a god-awful fight and that ended that.
5. Then there was Conrad. I was 24. Conrad was much older. 17 years older. (Are we seeing a trend here?) He was a criminal attorney and an alcoholic and divorced. I loved him. We had a great sex life. Little did I realize at the time that I was feeding his ego by being the young woman on his arm. We had an off and on relationship for about 4 years. We always found a way back to each other until I moved to another city. He died at the ripe old age of 65 from lung cancer. A very heavy smoker who smoked Merits. I didn't go to his funeral.
6. At age 29 I met Mr. Honey and we were married within six months. No, I wasn't pregnant. I had just vowed to myself that the next man I lived with would be my husband. So we got married.
We had two weddings, a secret one in our apartment by a justice of the peace, and then a semi-large wedding 5 months later in a church. My mom wanted me to have a church wedding and they had no idea we were already married. A-W-K-W-A-R-D. We kept that secret for a long time.
7. I don't guess Loves means just men or significant others.
Number 7 would be my daughter Queen. She was perfect. I loved her from the day I knew I was pregnant.
8. My second daughter Q2B. She was always a challenge. Feisty, outgoing, cute, made friends everywhere she went. Still that way to this day.
9. My son, The Boy. What a surprise he was when he arrived the year I turned 40! I had asked for a Miata for my 40th birthday and got a baby and a mini van. God knew what he was doing. The Boy's name had been picked out some 9 years earlier.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Backsliding
My last post was about visiting a second rehab for Q2B and getting her lined up for outpatient rehab.
All seems to be going well. That is, until Mr. Honey opens up his online bank account Saturday afternoon and sees a check has cleared. A stolen check, written and signed by Q2B for $30.00. Yes, after traversing around with her to rehabs, attorney's office, and showing all the support we could muster, she steals a blank check from her dad and cashes it.
She does this on Friday after we get home and cashes the check on the same day. Devastated to learn this. Thought we were past the stealing. $30.00 will buy her a 30 milligram Oxycontin. Didn't know this, but apparently those pills sell at $1.00 per milligram.
I've put the word out to some of her drug buddies that I am onto them like white on rice. I'll turn every one of them in for selling drugs to her or smoking pot if I get their names. She did tell her attorney that the people she was getting the Oxy from is a couple, a man and woman, in their early 30s. What a shame that they are selling drugs illegally and ruining lives in the meantime.
Whether she remains in our home now is unknown. Mr. Honey thinks not. I, of course, don't know what else to do but let her live here. I'm against it, though. Ready for her to get on out on the street and roll around in the mud until she is ready to change. When I confronted her about the stolen check, she denied it. Denied it when the evidence is right there black and white with her signature!
I'll tell her attorney about it tomorrow. I know he is going to get her case postponed until she goes through rehab. I am going to ask that he ask the judge for not only outpatient rehab, but supervised probation through the court. I'm thinking at this point the only thing that is going to help her is jail time.
Momma Honey has the sads today.
All seems to be going well. That is, until Mr. Honey opens up his online bank account Saturday afternoon and sees a check has cleared. A stolen check, written and signed by Q2B for $30.00. Yes, after traversing around with her to rehabs, attorney's office, and showing all the support we could muster, she steals a blank check from her dad and cashes it.
She does this on Friday after we get home and cashes the check on the same day. Devastated to learn this. Thought we were past the stealing. $30.00 will buy her a 30 milligram Oxycontin. Didn't know this, but apparently those pills sell at $1.00 per milligram.
I've put the word out to some of her drug buddies that I am onto them like white on rice. I'll turn every one of them in for selling drugs to her or smoking pot if I get their names. She did tell her attorney that the people she was getting the Oxy from is a couple, a man and woman, in their early 30s. What a shame that they are selling drugs illegally and ruining lives in the meantime.
Whether she remains in our home now is unknown. Mr. Honey thinks not. I, of course, don't know what else to do but let her live here. I'm against it, though. Ready for her to get on out on the street and roll around in the mud until she is ready to change. When I confronted her about the stolen check, she denied it. Denied it when the evidence is right there black and white with her signature!
I'll tell her attorney about it tomorrow. I know he is going to get her case postponed until she goes through rehab. I am going to ask that he ask the judge for not only outpatient rehab, but supervised probation through the court. I'm thinking at this point the only thing that is going to help her is jail time.
Momma Honey has the sads today.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Momma before she was Momma
Warning: The link will take you to a country song!
 | ||
| "Then there's that one down in the Bahamas" |
July, 1983
Rehab, Daddy, Crying,
On Tuesday of this past week, Mr. Honey & I accompanied Queen2B to (I could change her handle to Princess, but I'm just not feeling it right now) drug rehab assessment. It went well. Queen2B was honest. Mr. Honey broke down and cried. It is always scary when you see a grown man cry. But, I think that might have been the "open my eyes moment" for Queen2B. To see her Daddy cry over her and what she has been doing and putting us through with worry shook her down to the soles of her black suede boots.
Crying...Any time I want to cry, I don't have anywhere to go. If Momma cries, people ask what is wrong, act all weird, "why are you in there with the door locked", walk around on eggshells. So I have to go into the shower and cry. Sob and get it over with, then I move on. A good cry never hurt anybody and it seems to be healthy way to the beginning of healing. And I cry at odd times that surprise my family. I've cried over a Lassie episode. Can't watch Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey without boo-hooing. I know it is coming, but when I see Shadow coming over that hill, I just start bawling. Then there is My Dog, Skip. Another tearjerker.
Homeward Bound or My Dog, Skip
I don't know why crying embarrasses people, but it does me. A lot of people look at crying as a form of weakness. When you're little you're told all the time, stop crying, crying won't do you any good, you better not cry, crying is for babies, don't be a wimp, suck it up. It's hard to be vulnerable and open with your emotions.
Anyhoo, first rehab didn't work out because of distance and insurance. Insurance and taxes are two things that really get me going. On Thursday, the three of us trek to a new rehab center. After interviews it was determined that Queen2B would enter an intensive outpatient therapy or, IOP, intensive outpatient. Random drug testing. I never knew how serious Q2B's drug problem was. I thought she was abusing Xanax and kept an eye out for that, and that she smoked weed.
She will start on Tuesday.
We met with Mr. Lawyer. He was firm and brutal. Asked her questions that made her mad and defensive. I think that is positive. Will meet with him again on Monday at her booking. At 7:30 a.m. Mr. Lawyer has an eye appointment so he won't be there until 10:00. So we will wait. Wait in the corridors of the courthouse where I often work and and in the courtroom where I have taken misdemeanor cases and shook my head with disgust at some of the cases I heard. Maybe no one will recognize me without my case full of equipment.
Even though I want to support Q2B, because I am going to court with her I have to change my schedule. The Boy has to change his because I have to change mine. Domino effect.
Mr. Honey was on vacation this week and was a little perturbed that he had to attend two counseling sessions, a dental appointment and an eye appointment. Mr. Honey got a taste of what Momma Honey does all the time.
Crying...Any time I want to cry, I don't have anywhere to go. If Momma cries, people ask what is wrong, act all weird, "why are you in there with the door locked", walk around on eggshells. So I have to go into the shower and cry. Sob and get it over with, then I move on. A good cry never hurt anybody and it seems to be healthy way to the beginning of healing. And I cry at odd times that surprise my family. I've cried over a Lassie episode. Can't watch Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey without boo-hooing. I know it is coming, but when I see Shadow coming over that hill, I just start bawling. Then there is My Dog, Skip. Another tearjerker.
Homeward Bound or My Dog, Skip
I don't know why crying embarrasses people, but it does me. A lot of people look at crying as a form of weakness. When you're little you're told all the time, stop crying, crying won't do you any good, you better not cry, crying is for babies, don't be a wimp, suck it up. It's hard to be vulnerable and open with your emotions.
Anyhoo, first rehab didn't work out because of distance and insurance. Insurance and taxes are two things that really get me going. On Thursday, the three of us trek to a new rehab center. After interviews it was determined that Queen2B would enter an intensive outpatient therapy or, IOP, intensive outpatient. Random drug testing. I never knew how serious Q2B's drug problem was. I thought she was abusing Xanax and kept an eye out for that, and that she smoked weed.
She will start on Tuesday.
We met with Mr. Lawyer. He was firm and brutal. Asked her questions that made her mad and defensive. I think that is positive. Will meet with him again on Monday at her booking. At 7:30 a.m. Mr. Lawyer has an eye appointment so he won't be there until 10:00. So we will wait. Wait in the corridors of the courthouse where I often work and and in the courtroom where I have taken misdemeanor cases and shook my head with disgust at some of the cases I heard. Maybe no one will recognize me without my case full of equipment.
Even though I want to support Q2B, because I am going to court with her I have to change my schedule. The Boy has to change his because I have to change mine. Domino effect.
Mr. Honey was on vacation this week and was a little perturbed that he had to attend two counseling sessions, a dental appointment and an eye appointment. Mr. Honey got a taste of what Momma Honey does all the time.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The truth unfolds
My sweet daughter, Queen2, is at least starting to be honest and truthful with us. On Wednesday, she drops another bombshell that not only does she have a misdemeanor citation for drug paraphernalia, but that she also has a misdemeanor citation for shoplifting. Shoplifting for sweaters? I ask why, why, why??? Oh, and that she was to go to court on Friday (yesterday for book and release). Not a lot of time to get that taken care of, but because I have friends and a good reputation in my line of work, I found a criminal attorney -- one of the best in Tennessee, I might add -- to get her shoplifting case postponed to the same date as her drug paraphernalia date.
Then it occurred to me that one of my friends since 4th grade was married to a criminal attorney. Call in a favor? I did. He immediately agreed to help Queen2 and charge us nothing. Zilch. That's a good friend. The first attorney I spoke with cut his fees in half for us, $7500 for both cases. How can a drug addict pay that? I refuse to pay it for her. I'm footing the bill for rehab. So thank God for this friend and her husband who will be helping with her case.
My requirements for Queen2 are 1) Rehab. Appointment on Tuesday for assessment. 2) Supervised probation, so she has to be accountable to someone besides me and her dad. 3) Community service, if possible working with drug addicts. 4) Honesty and truthfulness from here on out.
Every day there is a new truth unveiled. Last night she tells me she is still using because she is afraid of the withdrawals. I've done a crash course on withdrawing from Oxycontin and it's not pretty nor a pleasant process. I hate it for her, but have no pity. Maybe going through the horrors of withdrawal on her own would be a good experience. Guess we will know more when we go for her assessment next week. Maybe they will put her in a detox program for a few days.
As her parents, we are not mad anymore. We are hurt and disappointed. Our daughter is a beautiful and smart girl. She has been an extra in several movies and a stand-in for an award winning actress. Think Alice in Wonderland. She has a career planned in the medical field. But as she has been told, who would want their nurse to be hooked on a drug that controls them or might steal their pills? With an addict, you just never know what will prompt them to do wrong.
I am worried about her. I love her. I want to help her, but I cannot fix this. It's hard being a Mom and watching your kids suffer. Heck, I thought acne was a problem. That I could fix with the help of a dermatologist. When she was getting Xanax through a walk-in clinic, I reported the doctor because he was giving scripts to many of her friends. I tried to fix that.
Addiction is prevalent in our families. My father was an alcoholic. A bad one. I smoke cigarettes, addicted. Mr. Honey's father was an alcoholic. Mr. Honey smokes cigarettes. That is our worst addiction, but addiction it is. It's hard to quit, especially as you get older and know that you are going to die from that addiction if you don't stop. Mr. Honey takes Tramadol for back pain. I did not know this, but that drug is just as addicting as Oxycontin. Now when he doesn't take one, he has these aches and pains that are signs of withdrawal. Who the hell knew?
Getting old isn't for sissies. I've heard that time and time again, and now see what is really meant by that. I blame doctors for a lot of the drug addiction in our society. Pain management gets people hooked. So many younger people, ages 20-30, are on Ambien, Xanax, Klonopin, antidepressants. It seems it is very easy to get these drugs as the majority of doctors are more than eager to prescribe these drugs. "Take this and call me in six weeks." I had a nephew-in-law that committed suicide. He left behind two of the best kids to deal with his suicide. I am sure there were other reasons besides depression, but he wasn't followed up properly when given his antidepressant. People lie to their doctors all the time. I see that crap in my jobs. I see and hear people who take these medications because they are in pain, and now addicted to the drugs given for the pain.
When I was in my 20s, I don't remember any of my friends being prescribed antidepressants. Sure, we smoked a little weed. At the time, you could smoke weed and cigarettes in concerts. Burn that Bic for an encore! Laws and the times are different now. There comes a time in your life when you have to move forward away from those things to become an adult and hold a decent job. "Back in the day" there was no drug screening, per se, for jobs. Nowadays you can't get a job in some occupations without being screened for drugs.
I feel sorry for the youth of today. I really feel it for my son, The Boy, who is 15. What is life going to be like for him in 10 years? So much has changed in our world and society. How do we keep them on the straight and narrow?
I've run out of words. Thank you all for your support and kind words.
Then it occurred to me that one of my friends since 4th grade was married to a criminal attorney. Call in a favor? I did. He immediately agreed to help Queen2 and charge us nothing. Zilch. That's a good friend. The first attorney I spoke with cut his fees in half for us, $7500 for both cases. How can a drug addict pay that? I refuse to pay it for her. I'm footing the bill for rehab. So thank God for this friend and her husband who will be helping with her case.
My requirements for Queen2 are 1) Rehab. Appointment on Tuesday for assessment. 2) Supervised probation, so she has to be accountable to someone besides me and her dad. 3) Community service, if possible working with drug addicts. 4) Honesty and truthfulness from here on out.
Every day there is a new truth unveiled. Last night she tells me she is still using because she is afraid of the withdrawals. I've done a crash course on withdrawing from Oxycontin and it's not pretty nor a pleasant process. I hate it for her, but have no pity. Maybe going through the horrors of withdrawal on her own would be a good experience. Guess we will know more when we go for her assessment next week. Maybe they will put her in a detox program for a few days.
As her parents, we are not mad anymore. We are hurt and disappointed. Our daughter is a beautiful and smart girl. She has been an extra in several movies and a stand-in for an award winning actress. Think Alice in Wonderland. She has a career planned in the medical field. But as she has been told, who would want their nurse to be hooked on a drug that controls them or might steal their pills? With an addict, you just never know what will prompt them to do wrong.
I am worried about her. I love her. I want to help her, but I cannot fix this. It's hard being a Mom and watching your kids suffer. Heck, I thought acne was a problem. That I could fix with the help of a dermatologist. When she was getting Xanax through a walk-in clinic, I reported the doctor because he was giving scripts to many of her friends. I tried to fix that.
Addiction is prevalent in our families. My father was an alcoholic. A bad one. I smoke cigarettes, addicted. Mr. Honey's father was an alcoholic. Mr. Honey smokes cigarettes. That is our worst addiction, but addiction it is. It's hard to quit, especially as you get older and know that you are going to die from that addiction if you don't stop. Mr. Honey takes Tramadol for back pain. I did not know this, but that drug is just as addicting as Oxycontin. Now when he doesn't take one, he has these aches and pains that are signs of withdrawal. Who the hell knew?
Getting old isn't for sissies. I've heard that time and time again, and now see what is really meant by that. I blame doctors for a lot of the drug addiction in our society. Pain management gets people hooked. So many younger people, ages 20-30, are on Ambien, Xanax, Klonopin, antidepressants. It seems it is very easy to get these drugs as the majority of doctors are more than eager to prescribe these drugs. "Take this and call me in six weeks." I had a nephew-in-law that committed suicide. He left behind two of the best kids to deal with his suicide. I am sure there were other reasons besides depression, but he wasn't followed up properly when given his antidepressant. People lie to their doctors all the time. I see that crap in my jobs. I see and hear people who take these medications because they are in pain, and now addicted to the drugs given for the pain.
When I was in my 20s, I don't remember any of my friends being prescribed antidepressants. Sure, we smoked a little weed. At the time, you could smoke weed and cigarettes in concerts. Burn that Bic for an encore! Laws and the times are different now. There comes a time in your life when you have to move forward away from those things to become an adult and hold a decent job. "Back in the day" there was no drug screening, per se, for jobs. Nowadays you can't get a job in some occupations without being screened for drugs.
I feel sorry for the youth of today. I really feel it for my son, The Boy, who is 15. What is life going to be like for him in 10 years? So much has changed in our world and society. How do we keep them on the straight and narrow?
I've run out of words. Thank you all for your support and kind words.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Oh to be Queen
Queen-to-be turns 21 on Monday. Mr. Honey & I have suspected drug use from her for quite some time. Thought it was just weed, so we sort of looked the other way. Don't most kids try weed between 18 and 21? Lately though, we've had items missing from our home. One of my wedding rings with a diamond missing, Mr. Honey's circular saw, a camcorder, portable DVD player, a lottery ticket worth $50.00. Money. On Thanksgiving she came into my room while I was sleeping and took my debit card. Tried to use it, but luckily she didn't know the PIN number, so the account was blocked. My friend at the bank sent me the pictures of her at the ATM. That was a sad sight to see.
I normally don't snoop in my kids' rooms. Never have. But I had a feeling, so yesterday I snooped in Queen-to-be's room. Here's what I found: Receipts from a pawn shop for a camcorder, portable DVD player, a camera (that was given to her at Christmas), a needle, a tourniquet, a pipe, bent spoons with residue and a citation for a misdemeanor for possible drug paraphernalia. Finding the evidence just floored me. I literally sat down on the floor.
Apparently she was stopped by the police on NYE. Don't know what probable cause he had, but I am guessing he searched her and her car and found a pipe. She won't give me the details. She has no idea what this can mean for her. If she is convicted, there goes her chances of finding a good/decent job as a pharmacy tech, and maybe as a medical assistant. I know and work with criminal lawyers, but will be damned if I pay for her an attorney. The ones I know aren't cheap. I could go and speak with the DA but don't know if I should. She has to learn a lesson here. First charge, so I am guessing she would get probation and a drug diversion program and possible expungement down the road.
My heart is broken. Mr. Honey thinks we should just kick her to the curb. This isn't the first incident we've had with her. She got in with the wrong crowd in high school and ended up dropping out her senior year. Got her GED. Went on vacation about four years ago and she and her friend were caught shoplifting at WalMart. Security let them go because we were tourists. Went through counseling and thought things were better. She picks losers as guys to date. Prefers black men. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I don't care what color a person's skin is, just have a goal and a job. And by job, I don't mean dealing pot, which it seems is the job of choice for most of these guys.
When she was 15, she took the car out and totaled it and spent a week in the hospital.
So Mr. Honey & I confronted her today and gave her a choice to voluntarily go into rehab on Monday or move out. With a bit of arguing, she conceded to go to rehab. It will be outpatient. I don't have a lot of faith. Most drug users going into rehab have an average of three times in rehab before it takes. We aren't rich and this is going to cost us dearly in emotions and money.
Mr. Honey wants to blame me for her problems because I enable. Yes, I confess, I have enabled her, looked the other way at times and tried to believe her when she has lied to my face. That's a mother for you. Mr. Honey has enabled her, too, but in different ways.
Makes me very sad about all of this and sad for her that she is on the verge of throwing her life away. Guess we'll see what happens with rehab. At least they will drug test her two times a week. I'm sure she is smart enough to know how to skew the drug test.
Wish us luck and prayers.
I normally don't snoop in my kids' rooms. Never have. But I had a feeling, so yesterday I snooped in Queen-to-be's room. Here's what I found: Receipts from a pawn shop for a camcorder, portable DVD player, a camera (that was given to her at Christmas), a needle, a tourniquet, a pipe, bent spoons with residue and a citation for a misdemeanor for possible drug paraphernalia. Finding the evidence just floored me. I literally sat down on the floor.
Apparently she was stopped by the police on NYE. Don't know what probable cause he had, but I am guessing he searched her and her car and found a pipe. She won't give me the details. She has no idea what this can mean for her. If she is convicted, there goes her chances of finding a good/decent job as a pharmacy tech, and maybe as a medical assistant. I know and work with criminal lawyers, but will be damned if I pay for her an attorney. The ones I know aren't cheap. I could go and speak with the DA but don't know if I should. She has to learn a lesson here. First charge, so I am guessing she would get probation and a drug diversion program and possible expungement down the road.
My heart is broken. Mr. Honey thinks we should just kick her to the curb. This isn't the first incident we've had with her. She got in with the wrong crowd in high school and ended up dropping out her senior year. Got her GED. Went on vacation about four years ago and she and her friend were caught shoplifting at WalMart. Security let them go because we were tourists. Went through counseling and thought things were better. She picks losers as guys to date. Prefers black men. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I don't care what color a person's skin is, just have a goal and a job. And by job, I don't mean dealing pot, which it seems is the job of choice for most of these guys.
When she was 15, she took the car out and totaled it and spent a week in the hospital.
So Mr. Honey & I confronted her today and gave her a choice to voluntarily go into rehab on Monday or move out. With a bit of arguing, she conceded to go to rehab. It will be outpatient. I don't have a lot of faith. Most drug users going into rehab have an average of three times in rehab before it takes. We aren't rich and this is going to cost us dearly in emotions and money.
Mr. Honey wants to blame me for her problems because I enable. Yes, I confess, I have enabled her, looked the other way at times and tried to believe her when she has lied to my face. That's a mother for you. Mr. Honey has enabled her, too, but in different ways.
Makes me very sad about all of this and sad for her that she is on the verge of throwing her life away. Guess we'll see what happens with rehab. At least they will drug test her two times a week. I'm sure she is smart enough to know how to skew the drug test.
Wish us luck and prayers.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Reflections
Today is January 2, 2011. What a decade it has been. Let's track back. My mind is so old, I have to start from 2010 and hope I can remember ALL the way back to 2000. Here are some highlights.
2010 - April of 2010, I left the court reporting firm I had been with for 7 years and hung out my shingle (again). So happy with where I am now in my work life. Some days it is stressful being the big boss but I love not answering to anyone but myself and my clients.
May of 2010 - went to Folly Beach and stayed at a wonderful apartment right on the beach. Decided that Folly Beach is where I would like to live when I retire.
August of 2010, my daughter - Queen 1, age 25 -- got married in Las Vegas to the Cop. She invited me to go to LV with her for the wedding, but it wasn't possible for me to attend.
2009 - Nothing too memorable for 2009. Worked a lot. Went to Universal Studios for the Halloween bash with Mr. Honey, the Boy & Queen 2. Queen 2 was dating a boy who had a 1 1/2 year old little girl. I kept her a lot and got very attached. Made me realize I do want grandchildren. Sooner rather than later.
2008 - Had cervical disc fusion on my neck. Thanks to my many years of court reporting.
2007 - Danged if I can remember. I'll have to get back to you on this year.
2006 - Had eye surgery this year. A very rare cancer. Melanoma of the iris. You see (no pun intended) I had had a little green spot on my left eye since I was a kid. Nobody ever thought a thing about it, just a discoloration. After having cataracts "at a young age", I had been followed for a few years by my eye surgeon to watch this spot on my eye. It's akin to a melanoma on the skin. They do nothing about it unless it changes shape and color.
Sure enough, it started to change shape and the color started to turn brown. Surgery was done, and it is called an iridectomy. They literally take out part of your iris. It leaves it looking like a black hole in part of your eye, or, that you've been on speed for days and just one eye is affected.
Not that I know anything about speed.
2005 - January of 2005, Mr. Honey & I flew to Las Vegas and got remarried on January 3rd Won about $5,000 on slot machines that trip. Have been paying it back ever since.
2004 - Mr. Honey moved back into our home in January. We took a family cruise in the summer of the year and we all had a great time. I rented a moped and had a terrible crash in the Bahamas. I'm a good driver, just had Queen 2 sitting behind me, leaning the wrong direction! Our marriage is better than ever and it did both of us some good to live apart and see what we missed about each other. Dating other people made us appreciate what we had in each other.
2003 - The financial status of single mommy hood was taking its toll on me and the kids. I had been an independent reporter with my own clients, and made a decision to go to work with a fairly large court reporting firm in town. It wasn't a bad decision, and a commitment I kept for seven years.
2002 - Began the year as a single mom to three kids. Queen 1 was about to graduate from high school. Queen 2 was just entering 7th grade and the Boy was in 2nd grade. I wish I had been smarter then and known what I know now about life. But, we can't go back in time, only forward.
2001 - November - Mr. Honey & I got a divorce. It was a painful time for all of us. There was no specific reason, no extra-marital affairs, I had just had enough and needed time to find myself. Mr. Honey was confused. I was entering menopause and didn't realize how my actions were hormone related. I call it our two year sabbatical.
2000 - Felt as though I was entering into the 7th inning of a losing ball game. I was diagnosed, very young, according to the doctors, with cataracts. Had them removed from both eyes over a period of months. Amazing how much better I could see afterward.
I had my last child in 1995, a son after two girls, and it was the year I turned 40. I was feeling old.
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