On Tuesday of this past week, Mr. Honey & I accompanied Queen2B to (I could change her handle to Princess, but I'm just not feeling it right now) drug rehab assessment. It went well. Queen2B was honest. Mr. Honey broke down and cried. It is always scary when you see a grown man cry. But, I think that might have been the "open my eyes moment" for Queen2B. To see her Daddy cry over her and what she has been doing and putting us through with worry shook her down to the soles of her black suede boots.
Crying...Any time I want to cry, I don't have anywhere to go. If Momma cries, people ask what is wrong, act all weird, "why are you in there with the door locked", walk around on eggshells. So I have to go into the shower and cry. Sob and get it over with, then I move on. A good cry never hurt anybody and it seems to be healthy way to the beginning of healing. And I cry at odd times that surprise my family. I've cried over a Lassie episode. Can't watch Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey without boo-hooing. I know it is coming, but when I see Shadow coming over that hill, I just start bawling. Then there is My Dog, Skip. Another tearjerker.
Homeward Bound or My Dog, Skip
I don't know why crying embarrasses people, but it does me. A lot of people look at crying as a form of weakness. When you're little you're told all the time, stop crying, crying won't do you any good, you better not cry, crying is for babies, don't be a wimp, suck it up. It's hard to be vulnerable and open with your emotions.
Anyhoo, first rehab didn't work out because of distance and insurance. Insurance and taxes are two things that really get me going. On Thursday, the three of us trek to a new rehab center. After interviews it was determined that Queen2B would enter an intensive outpatient therapy or, IOP, intensive outpatient. Random drug testing. I never knew how serious Q2B's drug problem was. I thought she was abusing Xanax and kept an eye out for that, and that she smoked weed.
She will start on Tuesday.
We met with Mr. Lawyer. He was firm and brutal. Asked her questions that made her mad and defensive. I think that is positive. Will meet with him again on Monday at her booking. At 7:30 a.m. Mr. Lawyer has an eye appointment so he won't be there until 10:00. So we will wait. Wait in the corridors of the courthouse where I often work and and in the courtroom where I have taken misdemeanor cases and shook my head with disgust at some of the cases I heard. Maybe no one will recognize me without my case full of equipment.
Even though I want to support Q2B, because I am going to court with her I have to change my schedule. The Boy has to change his because I have to change mine. Domino effect.
Mr. Honey was on vacation this week and was a little perturbed that he had to attend two counseling sessions, a dental appointment and an eye appointment. Mr. Honey got a taste of what Momma Honey does all the time.
Don't be embarrased to be in the courtroom. If I've learned one thing as a criminal defense lawyer, it's "there but for the grace of God is me, or someone I care for deeply." No one that is in the system should be looking down at you. My guess is that most, if they do recognize you, will be supportive.
ReplyDeleteAll of us are recovering from something.
I can't imagine how hard it is to mix your personal and professional lives in this way - and to see your daughter in such a dark place. Hugs. Good luck. And no one who knows you will think the worse of it - they'll be impressed at how you're standing by your daughter and being tough. (And if they aren't, screw 'em!)
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