The story goes on and on and on

Some of my family members say I am obsessed with my drug addicted daughter, Queen2b.  Maybe I am, but I love her, and it is so hard to see one of your children going down a drug-addicted road.  I get so annoyed at doctors who readily and willing prescribe Xanax, Klonopin, Adderall, and other drugs that are not always needed.  Many doctors see so many patients a day, that they don't really listen to the patients, just bring out the old pen and prescription pad and come back in 30 days for review and refill.

The last time I wrote, Q2B had gone to court on one of her many misdemeanor citations.  Things looked good.  Then one night she brought one a "friend from rehab".  We had specifically told her no friends of hers were allowed in our home.  Just coming by for a minute, Mom.  This is a girl she had been in outpatient with.  (Q2Bnever completed outpatient, supposedly because the counselor was buying pot from a boy in her group that she counseled.  This counselor took a very liberal attitude towards pot.  Obviously.  I tried to report it, but it's my word and Q2B's word, a drug addict, against a paid counselor.)   

Mom went to bed and the next thing we know is the family is awakened at 2 a.m. to an all-out cat fight going on in Q2B's bedroom.   Both girls had awakened in a drug-induced stupor, accusing the other of stealing Xanax and pot.  It was too much.  We kicked Q2b out.  We changed the locks on our doors and she was forbidden to come inside our home.  For a week she claimed to live in her car.  Some of her "friends" let me know what was going  on with her, and that was she was rapidly declining. 


So being a good mom, and even better enabler, I arranged for her an apartment for 2.5 months.  Enough time for her to get a job, start over and get back into rehab, whatever she needed to do to get clean.  Keeping in mind she has misdemeanor citations over her head and if convicted of three, that's a felony.  We used money that belonged to her from a car accident.  And no, she didn't get addicted to opiates from an accident.  She got addicted from buying them on the street and because she was/is good at manipulating doctors and convincing others that her parents are lunatics.  


Got her an apartment on May 15, she moved in.  It was a college apartment, so she had 2 unknown roommates, her own bedroom and bath.  Two weeks after she moved into that apartment, I became aware that once again, she had gotten another misdemeanor citation.  She wasn't holding, but the other two girls were and they had just smoked a blunt.  The officer smelled it and searched the car.  Because Q2B was with them, the officer cited her too.  So she now had a total of 5 misdemeanor citations since December 1, 2010.  


She told me about it, how unfair it was.  Right.  She had been warned to not be around people with pot, drugs because of upcoming court date.  No other lecture, just sorry that happened, hopefully you can get it taken care of.

Mr. Huney, The Boy, The Boy's friend and I went on vacation.  We were having a great time until the third day in at 9:30 a.m., the partner in crime called me and said, "Where is Q2B, we are in court and she's not here.  They just issued her a failure to appear."  Q2B's story was she was sick.  Right.  She had a migraine.  Right.  She's never had migraines.  Now if I had skipped court for whatever reason, I'd be sick too.  She went to her pediatrician -- yes, pediatrician, because she can't keep a regular doctor, aka doctor shopping, she got a note, a prescription she couldn't afford, and a shot for muscle tension.  That's what she said.

Back to court she goes last week.  Her attorney managed to get all but two of the misdemeanors dismissed with the condition of supervised probation for 11 months and 29 days.  Drug testing and checking in with probation officer.  She wanted to argue about the sentence because she knew, as did the rest of us, she couldn't abide by the ruling for a year and most likely end up in jail.

Fast forward a week after court date and I start hearing that she is panhandling at gas stations and downtown near campus on "The Square".   That broke my heart.   To hear these things and even see some comments on FB about her behavior -- my daughter -- just broke my fricking heart.  I confronted her and could tell by her reaction that part of the rumors were indeed true.  She denied them all of course.   Mr. Huney & I sat through two hours of her ranting about what terrible parents we were, all of our faults, how we made her the way she is.  So much blame and denial.  Then she said she was going to commit suicide.  We were alarmed, but when she said, "First I want to catch up on Nurse Jackie and eat dinner," our alarm was eased somewhat.  

The next day she called, still ranting and blaming and threatening suicide.  I suggested she take charge of her own healing process, call a 24 hour hot line or go to the ER.  It has been so hard to detach myself from her and her problems.  I don't know her anymore.  I love her but yet I don't feel love for her when she is high or appears high.  I don't know what she is like not high anymore.  We told her there was nothing else we could do for her, that it was up to her to get well.


She took action.  My little Q2B is getting on a plane today and heading to Florida to attend residential drug rehab.  The facility paid for her plane ticket.  Florida, one of the largest pain clinic supplier states around.  We insisted she sign over her car to us so we could sell it to help her with expenses.  She has no concept of the financial obligations she is taking on, the school loans that will come due, court costs.  And we refuse to pay for it.  Will she get better or succumb?  God only knows at this point.  I sure don't.  I want to have faith in her.  

My other daughter, Queenie, thinks this is a waste of time, money and state resources.  Thinks Q2B is once again manipulating the system by going out of state.  Thinks the only reason Q2B wants to do this is because she has to be responsible to someone and "pee in the cup".  I never thought of it from that perspective, but it is very possible.   There is a lot of animosity between our daughters.  Queenie has always been jealous of Q2B.  They are alike, but yet different in so many ways.  Queenie is an overachiever, has two degrees, married and for the most part stable.    Keeps her business to herself.  Q2B is not.  The unspoken competition has always been a problem between them.  


All of this has made me very tired.  Mr. Huney looks haggard, too.  The Boy is torn between anger and love for his sister.  Yet life goes on.