My last post was about visiting a second rehab for Q2B and getting her lined up for outpatient rehab.
All seems to be going well. That is, until Mr. Honey opens up his online bank account Saturday afternoon and sees a check has cleared. A stolen check, written and signed by Q2B for $30.00. Yes, after traversing around with her to rehabs, attorney's office, and showing all the support we could muster, she steals a blank check from her dad and cashes it.
She does this on Friday after we get home and cashes the check on the same day. Devastated to learn this. Thought we were past the stealing. $30.00 will buy her a 30 milligram Oxycontin. Didn't know this, but apparently those pills sell at $1.00 per milligram.
I've put the word out to some of her drug buddies that I am onto them like white on rice. I'll turn every one of them in for selling drugs to her or smoking pot if I get their names. She did tell her attorney that the people she was getting the Oxy from is a couple, a man and woman, in their early 30s. What a shame that they are selling drugs illegally and ruining lives in the meantime.
Whether she remains in our home now is unknown. Mr. Honey thinks not. I, of course, don't know what else to do but let her live here. I'm against it, though. Ready for her to get on out on the street and roll around in the mud until she is ready to change. When I confronted her about the stolen check, she denied it. Denied it when the evidence is right there black and white with her signature!
I'll tell her attorney about it tomorrow. I know he is going to get her case postponed until she goes through rehab. I am going to ask that he ask the judge for not only outpatient rehab, but supervised probation through the court. I'm thinking at this point the only thing that is going to help her is jail time.
Momma Honey has the sads today.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Momma before she was Momma
Warning: The link will take you to a country song!
 | ||
| "Then there's that one down in the Bahamas" |
July, 1983
Rehab, Daddy, Crying,
On Tuesday of this past week, Mr. Honey & I accompanied Queen2B to (I could change her handle to Princess, but I'm just not feeling it right now) drug rehab assessment. It went well. Queen2B was honest. Mr. Honey broke down and cried. It is always scary when you see a grown man cry. But, I think that might have been the "open my eyes moment" for Queen2B. To see her Daddy cry over her and what she has been doing and putting us through with worry shook her down to the soles of her black suede boots.
Crying...Any time I want to cry, I don't have anywhere to go. If Momma cries, people ask what is wrong, act all weird, "why are you in there with the door locked", walk around on eggshells. So I have to go into the shower and cry. Sob and get it over with, then I move on. A good cry never hurt anybody and it seems to be healthy way to the beginning of healing. And I cry at odd times that surprise my family. I've cried over a Lassie episode. Can't watch Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey without boo-hooing. I know it is coming, but when I see Shadow coming over that hill, I just start bawling. Then there is My Dog, Skip. Another tearjerker.
Homeward Bound or My Dog, Skip
I don't know why crying embarrasses people, but it does me. A lot of people look at crying as a form of weakness. When you're little you're told all the time, stop crying, crying won't do you any good, you better not cry, crying is for babies, don't be a wimp, suck it up. It's hard to be vulnerable and open with your emotions.
Anyhoo, first rehab didn't work out because of distance and insurance. Insurance and taxes are two things that really get me going. On Thursday, the three of us trek to a new rehab center. After interviews it was determined that Queen2B would enter an intensive outpatient therapy or, IOP, intensive outpatient. Random drug testing. I never knew how serious Q2B's drug problem was. I thought she was abusing Xanax and kept an eye out for that, and that she smoked weed.
She will start on Tuesday.
We met with Mr. Lawyer. He was firm and brutal. Asked her questions that made her mad and defensive. I think that is positive. Will meet with him again on Monday at her booking. At 7:30 a.m. Mr. Lawyer has an eye appointment so he won't be there until 10:00. So we will wait. Wait in the corridors of the courthouse where I often work and and in the courtroom where I have taken misdemeanor cases and shook my head with disgust at some of the cases I heard. Maybe no one will recognize me without my case full of equipment.
Even though I want to support Q2B, because I am going to court with her I have to change my schedule. The Boy has to change his because I have to change mine. Domino effect.
Mr. Honey was on vacation this week and was a little perturbed that he had to attend two counseling sessions, a dental appointment and an eye appointment. Mr. Honey got a taste of what Momma Honey does all the time.
Crying...Any time I want to cry, I don't have anywhere to go. If Momma cries, people ask what is wrong, act all weird, "why are you in there with the door locked", walk around on eggshells. So I have to go into the shower and cry. Sob and get it over with, then I move on. A good cry never hurt anybody and it seems to be healthy way to the beginning of healing. And I cry at odd times that surprise my family. I've cried over a Lassie episode. Can't watch Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey without boo-hooing. I know it is coming, but when I see Shadow coming over that hill, I just start bawling. Then there is My Dog, Skip. Another tearjerker.
Homeward Bound or My Dog, Skip
I don't know why crying embarrasses people, but it does me. A lot of people look at crying as a form of weakness. When you're little you're told all the time, stop crying, crying won't do you any good, you better not cry, crying is for babies, don't be a wimp, suck it up. It's hard to be vulnerable and open with your emotions.
Anyhoo, first rehab didn't work out because of distance and insurance. Insurance and taxes are two things that really get me going. On Thursday, the three of us trek to a new rehab center. After interviews it was determined that Queen2B would enter an intensive outpatient therapy or, IOP, intensive outpatient. Random drug testing. I never knew how serious Q2B's drug problem was. I thought she was abusing Xanax and kept an eye out for that, and that she smoked weed.
She will start on Tuesday.
We met with Mr. Lawyer. He was firm and brutal. Asked her questions that made her mad and defensive. I think that is positive. Will meet with him again on Monday at her booking. At 7:30 a.m. Mr. Lawyer has an eye appointment so he won't be there until 10:00. So we will wait. Wait in the corridors of the courthouse where I often work and and in the courtroom where I have taken misdemeanor cases and shook my head with disgust at some of the cases I heard. Maybe no one will recognize me without my case full of equipment.
Even though I want to support Q2B, because I am going to court with her I have to change my schedule. The Boy has to change his because I have to change mine. Domino effect.
Mr. Honey was on vacation this week and was a little perturbed that he had to attend two counseling sessions, a dental appointment and an eye appointment. Mr. Honey got a taste of what Momma Honey does all the time.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The truth unfolds
My sweet daughter, Queen2, is at least starting to be honest and truthful with us. On Wednesday, she drops another bombshell that not only does she have a misdemeanor citation for drug paraphernalia, but that she also has a misdemeanor citation for shoplifting. Shoplifting for sweaters? I ask why, why, why??? Oh, and that she was to go to court on Friday (yesterday for book and release). Not a lot of time to get that taken care of, but because I have friends and a good reputation in my line of work, I found a criminal attorney -- one of the best in Tennessee, I might add -- to get her shoplifting case postponed to the same date as her drug paraphernalia date.
Then it occurred to me that one of my friends since 4th grade was married to a criminal attorney. Call in a favor? I did. He immediately agreed to help Queen2 and charge us nothing. Zilch. That's a good friend. The first attorney I spoke with cut his fees in half for us, $7500 for both cases. How can a drug addict pay that? I refuse to pay it for her. I'm footing the bill for rehab. So thank God for this friend and her husband who will be helping with her case.
My requirements for Queen2 are 1) Rehab. Appointment on Tuesday for assessment. 2) Supervised probation, so she has to be accountable to someone besides me and her dad. 3) Community service, if possible working with drug addicts. 4) Honesty and truthfulness from here on out.
Every day there is a new truth unveiled. Last night she tells me she is still using because she is afraid of the withdrawals. I've done a crash course on withdrawing from Oxycontin and it's not pretty nor a pleasant process. I hate it for her, but have no pity. Maybe going through the horrors of withdrawal on her own would be a good experience. Guess we will know more when we go for her assessment next week. Maybe they will put her in a detox program for a few days.
As her parents, we are not mad anymore. We are hurt and disappointed. Our daughter is a beautiful and smart girl. She has been an extra in several movies and a stand-in for an award winning actress. Think Alice in Wonderland. She has a career planned in the medical field. But as she has been told, who would want their nurse to be hooked on a drug that controls them or might steal their pills? With an addict, you just never know what will prompt them to do wrong.
I am worried about her. I love her. I want to help her, but I cannot fix this. It's hard being a Mom and watching your kids suffer. Heck, I thought acne was a problem. That I could fix with the help of a dermatologist. When she was getting Xanax through a walk-in clinic, I reported the doctor because he was giving scripts to many of her friends. I tried to fix that.
Addiction is prevalent in our families. My father was an alcoholic. A bad one. I smoke cigarettes, addicted. Mr. Honey's father was an alcoholic. Mr. Honey smokes cigarettes. That is our worst addiction, but addiction it is. It's hard to quit, especially as you get older and know that you are going to die from that addiction if you don't stop. Mr. Honey takes Tramadol for back pain. I did not know this, but that drug is just as addicting as Oxycontin. Now when he doesn't take one, he has these aches and pains that are signs of withdrawal. Who the hell knew?
Getting old isn't for sissies. I've heard that time and time again, and now see what is really meant by that. I blame doctors for a lot of the drug addiction in our society. Pain management gets people hooked. So many younger people, ages 20-30, are on Ambien, Xanax, Klonopin, antidepressants. It seems it is very easy to get these drugs as the majority of doctors are more than eager to prescribe these drugs. "Take this and call me in six weeks." I had a nephew-in-law that committed suicide. He left behind two of the best kids to deal with his suicide. I am sure there were other reasons besides depression, but he wasn't followed up properly when given his antidepressant. People lie to their doctors all the time. I see that crap in my jobs. I see and hear people who take these medications because they are in pain, and now addicted to the drugs given for the pain.
When I was in my 20s, I don't remember any of my friends being prescribed antidepressants. Sure, we smoked a little weed. At the time, you could smoke weed and cigarettes in concerts. Burn that Bic for an encore! Laws and the times are different now. There comes a time in your life when you have to move forward away from those things to become an adult and hold a decent job. "Back in the day" there was no drug screening, per se, for jobs. Nowadays you can't get a job in some occupations without being screened for drugs.
I feel sorry for the youth of today. I really feel it for my son, The Boy, who is 15. What is life going to be like for him in 10 years? So much has changed in our world and society. How do we keep them on the straight and narrow?
I've run out of words. Thank you all for your support and kind words.
Then it occurred to me that one of my friends since 4th grade was married to a criminal attorney. Call in a favor? I did. He immediately agreed to help Queen2 and charge us nothing. Zilch. That's a good friend. The first attorney I spoke with cut his fees in half for us, $7500 for both cases. How can a drug addict pay that? I refuse to pay it for her. I'm footing the bill for rehab. So thank God for this friend and her husband who will be helping with her case.
My requirements for Queen2 are 1) Rehab. Appointment on Tuesday for assessment. 2) Supervised probation, so she has to be accountable to someone besides me and her dad. 3) Community service, if possible working with drug addicts. 4) Honesty and truthfulness from here on out.
Every day there is a new truth unveiled. Last night she tells me she is still using because she is afraid of the withdrawals. I've done a crash course on withdrawing from Oxycontin and it's not pretty nor a pleasant process. I hate it for her, but have no pity. Maybe going through the horrors of withdrawal on her own would be a good experience. Guess we will know more when we go for her assessment next week. Maybe they will put her in a detox program for a few days.
As her parents, we are not mad anymore. We are hurt and disappointed. Our daughter is a beautiful and smart girl. She has been an extra in several movies and a stand-in for an award winning actress. Think Alice in Wonderland. She has a career planned in the medical field. But as she has been told, who would want their nurse to be hooked on a drug that controls them or might steal their pills? With an addict, you just never know what will prompt them to do wrong.
I am worried about her. I love her. I want to help her, but I cannot fix this. It's hard being a Mom and watching your kids suffer. Heck, I thought acne was a problem. That I could fix with the help of a dermatologist. When she was getting Xanax through a walk-in clinic, I reported the doctor because he was giving scripts to many of her friends. I tried to fix that.
Addiction is prevalent in our families. My father was an alcoholic. A bad one. I smoke cigarettes, addicted. Mr. Honey's father was an alcoholic. Mr. Honey smokes cigarettes. That is our worst addiction, but addiction it is. It's hard to quit, especially as you get older and know that you are going to die from that addiction if you don't stop. Mr. Honey takes Tramadol for back pain. I did not know this, but that drug is just as addicting as Oxycontin. Now when he doesn't take one, he has these aches and pains that are signs of withdrawal. Who the hell knew?
Getting old isn't for sissies. I've heard that time and time again, and now see what is really meant by that. I blame doctors for a lot of the drug addiction in our society. Pain management gets people hooked. So many younger people, ages 20-30, are on Ambien, Xanax, Klonopin, antidepressants. It seems it is very easy to get these drugs as the majority of doctors are more than eager to prescribe these drugs. "Take this and call me in six weeks." I had a nephew-in-law that committed suicide. He left behind two of the best kids to deal with his suicide. I am sure there were other reasons besides depression, but he wasn't followed up properly when given his antidepressant. People lie to their doctors all the time. I see that crap in my jobs. I see and hear people who take these medications because they are in pain, and now addicted to the drugs given for the pain.
When I was in my 20s, I don't remember any of my friends being prescribed antidepressants. Sure, we smoked a little weed. At the time, you could smoke weed and cigarettes in concerts. Burn that Bic for an encore! Laws and the times are different now. There comes a time in your life when you have to move forward away from those things to become an adult and hold a decent job. "Back in the day" there was no drug screening, per se, for jobs. Nowadays you can't get a job in some occupations without being screened for drugs.
I feel sorry for the youth of today. I really feel it for my son, The Boy, who is 15. What is life going to be like for him in 10 years? So much has changed in our world and society. How do we keep them on the straight and narrow?
I've run out of words. Thank you all for your support and kind words.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Oh to be Queen
Queen-to-be turns 21 on Monday. Mr. Honey & I have suspected drug use from her for quite some time. Thought it was just weed, so we sort of looked the other way. Don't most kids try weed between 18 and 21? Lately though, we've had items missing from our home. One of my wedding rings with a diamond missing, Mr. Honey's circular saw, a camcorder, portable DVD player, a lottery ticket worth $50.00. Money. On Thanksgiving she came into my room while I was sleeping and took my debit card. Tried to use it, but luckily she didn't know the PIN number, so the account was blocked. My friend at the bank sent me the pictures of her at the ATM. That was a sad sight to see.
I normally don't snoop in my kids' rooms. Never have. But I had a feeling, so yesterday I snooped in Queen-to-be's room. Here's what I found: Receipts from a pawn shop for a camcorder, portable DVD player, a camera (that was given to her at Christmas), a needle, a tourniquet, a pipe, bent spoons with residue and a citation for a misdemeanor for possible drug paraphernalia. Finding the evidence just floored me. I literally sat down on the floor.
Apparently she was stopped by the police on NYE. Don't know what probable cause he had, but I am guessing he searched her and her car and found a pipe. She won't give me the details. She has no idea what this can mean for her. If she is convicted, there goes her chances of finding a good/decent job as a pharmacy tech, and maybe as a medical assistant. I know and work with criminal lawyers, but will be damned if I pay for her an attorney. The ones I know aren't cheap. I could go and speak with the DA but don't know if I should. She has to learn a lesson here. First charge, so I am guessing she would get probation and a drug diversion program and possible expungement down the road.
My heart is broken. Mr. Honey thinks we should just kick her to the curb. This isn't the first incident we've had with her. She got in with the wrong crowd in high school and ended up dropping out her senior year. Got her GED. Went on vacation about four years ago and she and her friend were caught shoplifting at WalMart. Security let them go because we were tourists. Went through counseling and thought things were better. She picks losers as guys to date. Prefers black men. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I don't care what color a person's skin is, just have a goal and a job. And by job, I don't mean dealing pot, which it seems is the job of choice for most of these guys.
When she was 15, she took the car out and totaled it and spent a week in the hospital.
So Mr. Honey & I confronted her today and gave her a choice to voluntarily go into rehab on Monday or move out. With a bit of arguing, she conceded to go to rehab. It will be outpatient. I don't have a lot of faith. Most drug users going into rehab have an average of three times in rehab before it takes. We aren't rich and this is going to cost us dearly in emotions and money.
Mr. Honey wants to blame me for her problems because I enable. Yes, I confess, I have enabled her, looked the other way at times and tried to believe her when she has lied to my face. That's a mother for you. Mr. Honey has enabled her, too, but in different ways.
Makes me very sad about all of this and sad for her that she is on the verge of throwing her life away. Guess we'll see what happens with rehab. At least they will drug test her two times a week. I'm sure she is smart enough to know how to skew the drug test.
Wish us luck and prayers.
I normally don't snoop in my kids' rooms. Never have. But I had a feeling, so yesterday I snooped in Queen-to-be's room. Here's what I found: Receipts from a pawn shop for a camcorder, portable DVD player, a camera (that was given to her at Christmas), a needle, a tourniquet, a pipe, bent spoons with residue and a citation for a misdemeanor for possible drug paraphernalia. Finding the evidence just floored me. I literally sat down on the floor.
Apparently she was stopped by the police on NYE. Don't know what probable cause he had, but I am guessing he searched her and her car and found a pipe. She won't give me the details. She has no idea what this can mean for her. If she is convicted, there goes her chances of finding a good/decent job as a pharmacy tech, and maybe as a medical assistant. I know and work with criminal lawyers, but will be damned if I pay for her an attorney. The ones I know aren't cheap. I could go and speak with the DA but don't know if I should. She has to learn a lesson here. First charge, so I am guessing she would get probation and a drug diversion program and possible expungement down the road.
My heart is broken. Mr. Honey thinks we should just kick her to the curb. This isn't the first incident we've had with her. She got in with the wrong crowd in high school and ended up dropping out her senior year. Got her GED. Went on vacation about four years ago and she and her friend were caught shoplifting at WalMart. Security let them go because we were tourists. Went through counseling and thought things were better. She picks losers as guys to date. Prefers black men. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I don't care what color a person's skin is, just have a goal and a job. And by job, I don't mean dealing pot, which it seems is the job of choice for most of these guys.
When she was 15, she took the car out and totaled it and spent a week in the hospital.
So Mr. Honey & I confronted her today and gave her a choice to voluntarily go into rehab on Monday or move out. With a bit of arguing, she conceded to go to rehab. It will be outpatient. I don't have a lot of faith. Most drug users going into rehab have an average of three times in rehab before it takes. We aren't rich and this is going to cost us dearly in emotions and money.
Mr. Honey wants to blame me for her problems because I enable. Yes, I confess, I have enabled her, looked the other way at times and tried to believe her when she has lied to my face. That's a mother for you. Mr. Honey has enabled her, too, but in different ways.
Makes me very sad about all of this and sad for her that she is on the verge of throwing her life away. Guess we'll see what happens with rehab. At least they will drug test her two times a week. I'm sure she is smart enough to know how to skew the drug test.
Wish us luck and prayers.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Reflections
Today is January 2, 2011. What a decade it has been. Let's track back. My mind is so old, I have to start from 2010 and hope I can remember ALL the way back to 2000. Here are some highlights.
2010 - April of 2010, I left the court reporting firm I had been with for 7 years and hung out my shingle (again). So happy with where I am now in my work life. Some days it is stressful being the big boss but I love not answering to anyone but myself and my clients.
May of 2010 - went to Folly Beach and stayed at a wonderful apartment right on the beach. Decided that Folly Beach is where I would like to live when I retire.
August of 2010, my daughter - Queen 1, age 25 -- got married in Las Vegas to the Cop. She invited me to go to LV with her for the wedding, but it wasn't possible for me to attend.
2009 - Nothing too memorable for 2009. Worked a lot. Went to Universal Studios for the Halloween bash with Mr. Honey, the Boy & Queen 2. Queen 2 was dating a boy who had a 1 1/2 year old little girl. I kept her a lot and got very attached. Made me realize I do want grandchildren. Sooner rather than later.
2008 - Had cervical disc fusion on my neck. Thanks to my many years of court reporting.
2007 - Danged if I can remember. I'll have to get back to you on this year.
2006 - Had eye surgery this year. A very rare cancer. Melanoma of the iris. You see (no pun intended) I had had a little green spot on my left eye since I was a kid. Nobody ever thought a thing about it, just a discoloration. After having cataracts "at a young age", I had been followed for a few years by my eye surgeon to watch this spot on my eye. It's akin to a melanoma on the skin. They do nothing about it unless it changes shape and color.
Sure enough, it started to change shape and the color started to turn brown. Surgery was done, and it is called an iridectomy. They literally take out part of your iris. It leaves it looking like a black hole in part of your eye, or, that you've been on speed for days and just one eye is affected.
Not that I know anything about speed.
2005 - January of 2005, Mr. Honey & I flew to Las Vegas and got remarried on January 3rd Won about $5,000 on slot machines that trip. Have been paying it back ever since.
2004 - Mr. Honey moved back into our home in January. We took a family cruise in the summer of the year and we all had a great time. I rented a moped and had a terrible crash in the Bahamas. I'm a good driver, just had Queen 2 sitting behind me, leaning the wrong direction! Our marriage is better than ever and it did both of us some good to live apart and see what we missed about each other. Dating other people made us appreciate what we had in each other.
2003 - The financial status of single mommy hood was taking its toll on me and the kids. I had been an independent reporter with my own clients, and made a decision to go to work with a fairly large court reporting firm in town. It wasn't a bad decision, and a commitment I kept for seven years.
2002 - Began the year as a single mom to three kids. Queen 1 was about to graduate from high school. Queen 2 was just entering 7th grade and the Boy was in 2nd grade. I wish I had been smarter then and known what I know now about life. But, we can't go back in time, only forward.
2001 - November - Mr. Honey & I got a divorce. It was a painful time for all of us. There was no specific reason, no extra-marital affairs, I had just had enough and needed time to find myself. Mr. Honey was confused. I was entering menopause and didn't realize how my actions were hormone related. I call it our two year sabbatical.
2000 - Felt as though I was entering into the 7th inning of a losing ball game. I was diagnosed, very young, according to the doctors, with cataracts. Had them removed from both eyes over a period of months. Amazing how much better I could see afterward.
I had my last child in 1995, a son after two girls, and it was the year I turned 40. I was feeling old.
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